It's Okay to Go.

Notes from Wesley Meadows - Part two of a two-part series.

I have come to believe that indeed my life has been one in two parts. The first part are the years, or days or hours where I think I am in control. The more I think I am in control, the more chaotic life happens. It is at my point of surrender- the second part- of letting go and letting God, when I come to the oasis of peace in a dessert of bedlam. Now, the wilderness places are fewer and farther between as my relationship with our Creator grows.

I had the wonderful blessing just a couple days ago to be a present and supportive witness as a sweet soul made her final surrender into the eternal arms of the Maker. (See:Part 1 Notes from Wesley Meadows.) I have never been in this position before of sober mind. I was humbled to have been invited into a place, an inner sanctum if you will, of pure grace.

The journey began with a phone call from my sweet friend fiancé Patti. Her mother Pat’s health and condition was in steep decline. Patti, being a week out of a rotator cuff surgery required arm sling, did not need to be driving solo for six hours. I became her partner for the sojourn. From the moment we hit the road in the driving rain, a lingering question echoed in my mind, “How long?” And a lingering answer kept following it, “Not for you to know!” Still my need for control forced me into possible future chain of event scenarios. Again, I had to surrender and turn it over to Abba. It will be according to His will. It was in this place of the obedient present moment where I would experience educative wonders in the everlasting.

Wesley Meadows

Toward the end of our first afternoon with Miss Pat I was invited to read to her. Patti gave me her copy of “Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson. It was bookmarked at a section titled: Relinquishing Fear with a heading “Perfect love casts out fear.” It is a direct reference to one of my favorite pieces of scripture, 1 John 4:18-19. I began reading to Miss Pat. I knew she could hear me.

It has occurred to me, there were times when Miss Pat appeared to be struggling, perhaps in pain, perhaps in the decision to let go and leave her loved ones in this world. On occasion a nurse would bring a small dose of pain medicine. I had a feeling that she was stuck in a should I stay, or should I go dilemma. But what do I know? I have never been in this place before! After a very long day we said goodnight to this lovely Christian lady born and raised in Texas.

When we arrived at Wesley Meadows on Wednesday we found Miss Pat’s room had been rearranged. Her bed which had been flush to the far wall was now protruding from the wall. This way the family in the room could gather around her. The hospice folks at this facility knew what they were doing. I took it as a sign. I was able to take a different position when I read to Miss Pat this time. I chose to read from “The Greatest Thing in the World” by Henry Drummond. It is a wonderful treatise on Paul’s 1 Corinthian’s 13.

During our time with Miss Pat there were instances when she would make verbal proclamations. Two times stand out for me. Once we heard her say something that sounded like, “I got to get out of here.” I could only imagine her beloved husband Bob, Cindy and Patti’s father, standing just beyond the precipice hands outstretched. Another time we heard Pat exclaim, “Oh Shit!” Her outcry transformed a somewhat somber mood into a realm of heavenly humor. Family remarked it was an expression seldom heard. For me these words carried completely to my heart. My late mother Jeanne was very fond of this expression. So fond, she had it printed on a golf ball she used exclusively for putting. I could very well see Mom, a coaxing angel on the other side of the threshold, calling out to Miss Pat.

The sun was approaching a golden Mississippi sunset and I was anxious for Miss Pat. My perception was that she was struggling to let go. Just in the past two weeks I was involved in a discussion with my good friend Chuck whose mother was in a similar circumstance. I had asked him what he thought about the idea of saying to her it was okay for her to go. He said he had been thinking of doing the same. I decided to call my friend and found a quiet breezeway with some rocking chairs. In our conversation, he said to me that the family along with their Pastor had told their mom it was okay. Immediately after Chuck and I ended our conversation, Patti came to sit next to me. She and Cindy had decided to stay overnight with their mom. Patti, as well, let me know that Miss Pat's girls had let their Mom know it was okay.

I did not plan to stay but went out to pick up dinner. When I returned, Elizabeth was in the room with Patti and Cindy. Multi-generational agape love was once again flowing there. We began eating our dinner. Suddenly, the room became quiet except for the whoosh of the oxygen system. The three women, in unison, gently and softly moved to Miss Pat’s bedside. Patti was up on the left caressing her mother’s forehead. Elizabeth was kneeling waist high, also on the left holding “Grandmommie’s” hand. Cindy was on the right-side shoulder high caressing her Mom’s hair. I do not know how long. Time stood still. All I know is it is the most beautiful scene I have ever witnessed. I am assured Miss Pat knew it was okay, smiling ear to ear as she walked into the arms of Bob Young and our heavenly Father.

Miss Pat's Obituary

Amen Sisters

Bradford Bosworth
March 9, 2018

Notes from Wesley Meadows

Part One of two parts:

A Transitional View

(Author’s note: This post is from excerpts of a journal began the morning of March 7, 2018)

I am sitting in a chair facing a bed in which lies the 83-year-old mother of two daughters. This lady, who is as well a great grandmother, is living out her final days here in a facility I have always referred to as a nursing home. Nursing homes have never been a place that I looked forward to visiting, but as I am ever nearer to a similar consequence for myself, I am okay with it now. I am here in this room now visiting Miss. Pat with her daughters Cindy and Patti, my future bride.

Cindi, Patti and Miss Pat, (2nd Trip)

I have been to this facility just outside Memphis, Tenn. twice before. The first time - six months ago- was to meet Miss Pat for the first time. The second time was to express to her that I wanted to marry her daughter. The first time she initially did not recognize youngest daughter Patti. The second time at first, she did not recognize Patti or me. This time she was not conscious enough converse with any of us. It is my first experience seeing someone in the transitory life stage knocking on heaven’s door. And there is no doubt in my mind she is readying for the entrance through heaven’s gate. I know and love her daughter who I am assured was raised by Godly parents!

When a visitor turns into this senior living facility, the sign at the entrance - Methodist Senior Services- leaves no doubt about the guiding principles that provide the underlying foundation for the care administered behind these doors. Here the attention to residents is Gospel driven. Upon entering the front doors in a few steps on a table directly ahead, one will come face to face with the Word of God. On this day it was opened to John’s Gospel 10:25-11:30. The staff informed me it changes whenever one of the residents stops to turn the page.

As a sign of what is to come, I was walking down the hallway to Miss Pat’s room and inside a residence a few doors down I noticed a man solemnly gathering and packing belongings up. Then a bit later, I walked by and he was sitting holding a personal item in quiet reflection. Even later I met that man with a cart full of clothing. I held the front door for him and we had a revealing conversation filled with hope. His name is Doug. He was clearing out his sister’s room. Betty had passed the day before yesterday. Doug knew she was in a better place. Just a few hours later I was standing in front of Miss Pat’s bathroom mirror and noticed a picture fixed to the corner of the mirror. In that picture with Miss Pat was Miss Betty who had been a close friend. I no longer believe in coincidences.

Miss Betty, Wesley Meadows staff member, Miss Pat

A late afternoon moment of pure grace occurs when Elizabeth, Cindy’s daughter and Miss Pat’s only granddaughter arrives from her work. NOW there is multi-generational love flowing in this room. This agape is crystalline and many faceted, like a rare and precious gemstone. And “grandmommie” recognizes this outpouring as if yellow roses and angels for she almost sits up in bed, eyes wide and arms outstretched

There are many questions that arise and many decisions that need to be made, or not, during this world’s end of life process. Both of my parents died suddenly without warning, so at this place, I lack experience. I am unqualified to act. But by witnessing two daughters- who for their day jobs are nurses- at vigil with their beloved Mom, I realize that Love is the only qualification needed. It is the same redemptive love of Christ that can flow through us all.

“Everyone who lives and believes in me will never die -ever.” (John 11:26) HCSB

Amen Miss Pat

Bradford Bosworth

March 7, 2018

Writer's note: Miss Pat walked through the gates of Heaven approximately 10:40 est on March 7, 2018. Part two will tell that story.